RESOURCE TEXT
Topic
How should you interact with your mentor while working in a lab, and how can you stay connected after you leave?
Speaker
Lulu Tong
About the Speaker
- Native speaker of both English and Chinese
- Undergraduate at UC San Diego
- Former Research Assistant at UCSF
- A self-described introvert who is surprisingly good at socializing
Building a Good Relationship with Your Mentor in the Lab
The most important thing is simple: be responsible and communicate consistently.
Take your work seriously, ask questions when something is unclear, report problems early, and keep your mentor updated on your progress. Good communication does not mean constantly messaging your PI—it means making sure they are not surprised by important issues or delays.
Lab events, group outings, and informal gatherings can also be great opportunities to talk with your PI outside of formal research meetings. The conversation does not always have to be strictly about your project. You might discuss an interesting idea that came up during your work, something related to the broader research field, or questions you have about your academic path and future plans.
What About Holiday Gifts?
In my experience, the idea of giving a small holiday gift is not that different between China and the US, although the form may be different.
Gift cards are common in the US, but I personally prefer something a little more personal and less transactional. Around Thanksgiving or Christmas, I usually write a handwritten card and pair it with a nice box of chocolates.
If you decide to give a gift, keep it simple and appropriate. I usually give it in person. If the PI happens to be away, I leave it somewhere visible in the lab or office. And of course, remember to remove the price tag.
Staying in Touch After Leaving the Lab
Leaving a lab does not mean the relationship has to end.
Every once in a while, you can send your former PI an update about what you are doing. Even now, I sometimes email previous mentors when I have questions, uncertainties, or decisions I would value their perspective on.
Other simple ways to stay connected include:
- Sending a brief holiday email
- Sharing major academic or career updates
- Letting them know when their advice helped you
- Visiting the lab when you are back in the area, when appropriate
- Reaching out occasionally for advice rather than only when you need a recommendation letter
When I first started thinking about mentor relationships, I sometimes had very practical motivations: recommendation letters, networking, or strengthening my résumé.
But over time, I realized that these are actually some of the smallest benefits of maintaining a genuine relationship with a mentor.
A good PI may have years of experience dealing with failed experiments, building research programs, securing funding, mentoring trainees, and managing a laboratory. Some of that advice may not feel immediately relevant when you are still early in your training. But after working in several labs and gaining more perspective, you may begin to understand why certain mentors build strong teams and successful research programs.
The most valuable mentor relationships often come from genuine curiosity, communication, and mutual respect, rather than treating the relationship as something purely transactional.
I hope everyone can find a lab that feels right, have a meaningful research experience, and meet a mentor who becomes someone you know you can turn to when you need guidance.
Examples of Staying in Touch
Examples shared in this session included:
- Emailing a mentor while still in school to share news about a newly received offer
- Sending an update from a new work email after the first week of an RA position, sharing initial experiences and expressing gratitude for previous mentorship
- Texting a former postdoctoral supervisor to thank them for their mentorship and recommendation letter after receiving an RA offer
Real Examples of Staying in Touch with Mentors
Below are several examples from Lulu Tong’s own experience of maintaining relationships with former mentors. The goal is not to provide fixed email templates, but to show that staying in touch can be simple, genuine, and closely connected to what is happening in your life.
Example 1 | Sending a Personal Update After Some Time Apart
After not contacting a former mentor for a while, Lulu Tong sent an email sharing several recent updates from school and research.
She briefly mentioned:
- joining a new research lab and beginning work on learning and memory;
- receiving approval for a double major;
- obtaining a new volunteer position;
- beginning an honors research project;
- continuing to explore whether she wanted to pursue research or healthcare in the future.
She also thanked the mentor for previously writing a recommendation letter and shared a small milestone she was excited about.
The mentor responded warmly, congratulated her on the new opportunities, and encouraged her to continue staying in touch.
Takeaway: You do not need a major achievement before reaching out. A thoughtful update about what you have been learning, exploring, or deciding can be enough to restart a conversation.
Example 2 | Updating a Former Mentor After Starting a New RA Position
After beginning a new research assistant position at UCSF, Lulu Tong emailed a former mentor from her new institutional email address.
Rather than simply saying that she had started the job, she shared what her first week had been like:
- completing onboarding;
- meeting her new colleagues;
- observing new experimental techniques;
- noticing similarities and differences between her previous and current labs;
- looking forward to developing new skills in systems and computational neuroscience.
Most importantly, she connected this new step back to her previous mentorship and expressed appreciation for the skills and confidence she had gained in the former lab.
Takeaway: Career updates are a natural opportunity to thank previous mentors. Instead of sending only “I got the position,” explain what you are learning and how their mentorship helped you reach the next stage.
Example 3 | Thanking a Former Supervisor After Receiving an Offer
After receiving an RA offer, Lulu Tong sent a message to a former postdoctoral supervisor to thank them for their guidance and recommendation.
She explained that she had recently learned more about how the hiring decision was made and realized how important the recommendation letters and support from her previous mentors had been.
Rather than treating the recommendation letter as a transactional favor, she used the opportunity to acknowledge the supervisor’s mentorship and the role they had played in her development.
Takeaway: When someone’s recommendation or advice contributes to a positive outcome, let them know. Mentors do not always hear what happened after they submitted a letter or helped with an application.
A simple update such as:
“I wanted to let you know that I received the offer. Thank you again for your mentorship and support throughout the process—it really meant a lot to me.”
can go a long way.
What These Examples Have in Common
None of these messages were sent simply because Lulu Tong “needed something.”
Instead, they were built around three simple habits:
Share genuine updates.
Tell mentors what you have been doing, learning, or thinking about.
Express specific gratitude.
Rather than a generic “thank you,” explain how their guidance, training, or recommendation helped you.
Keep the relationship two-way.
Ask how they are doing, show interest in their work, and reach out occasionally even when you are not requesting a letter or favor.
Staying in touch does not require frequent emails or carefully planned networking. Sometimes, a short message after an important milestone—or simply an occasional update—is enough to maintain a meaningful mentorship over time.